Men det er nok meget almindeligt, når man har et liv der er fyldt med arbejde, kirke, familie og en smule socialt liv også. Og jeg klager ikke... selvom det en gang i mellem ikke havde gjort noget, at der var 5 timer mere i døgnet.
Det forholder sig bare sådan for mig, at jeg nok stræber efter mere, end jeg burde. Jeg har sat en standard for, hvordan jeg gerne vil have, mit liv skal være. Og det er der jo ikke noget galt med - det er godt, tror jeg, at have et mål at gå efter, så man ikke bare flyder af sted og ikke opdager, at tiden suser forbi uden for éns liv. Samtidig må jeg erkende, at Gud fortsat taler til mig og prikker til mig - der er ting, han ønsker, jeg skal lære, ting, jeg skal blive bedre til. Og jeg vil så gerne...
Bl.a. derfor er jeg endnu en gang i færd med at læse 3 bøger - ud over Biblen - på samme tid. Den ene handler om lederskab, den anden om bøn, og den tredje om, hvordan jeg kan få og nå det "alt sammen". Alle 3 bøger er skrevet af kristne mennesker, der alle har arbejdet seriøst og professionelt med hver deres felt. Og alle 3 har noget super fantastisk at sige, og jeg føler, at jeg lærer en masse.
I bogen om at få og nå det "alt sammen", skriver Christine Caine om hvordan hun selv overkommer alt det, hun føler Gud har kaldet hende til at gøre - hun deler ud af de ting, Gud har lært hende, fordi hun oplever at flere og flere kvinder gerne vil melde sig på banen, men at det er svært, når man både er mor, kone og har et job. Allerede i første kapitel fangede Christine mig (som om, hun ikke allerede havde gjort det i forvejen) - hvis jeg ønsker at få og nå det "alt sammen", må jeg først søge Guds rige!!! Sikke en simpel, enkel, letforståelig besked! Mattæus 6:33 siger "Søg først Guds rige og gør hans vilje, så får I alt det andet i tilgift." Wow. Jeg havde faktisk glemt dette, men hvor giver det god mening.
I bogen om bøn skriver Stormie Omartian også en masse gode ting, og jeg ved næsten ikke, hvad jeg skal vælge at dele... så det må også blive en af de ting, der fangede mig ganske få sider inde i bogen. Hun skriver om bønnens mange aspekter, facetter og funktioner, men hun fangede mig med dette: "We will never be happy until we make God the source of our fulfillment and the answer to our longings. (...) And whenever you are disappointed because your needs are not being met, talk to yourself and say, "My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him" (Psalm 62:5)" - I den danske oversættelse finder vi skriftstedet i Salme 62:6: Jeg sætter al min lid til Gud, for kun han giver mig håb. Wow igen. Jeg kan altså søge Guds rige første, vende mig til Ham og lade ham være den, der møder mine behov... og stadig få noget? Gud er og bliver fantastisk.
I bogen om lederskab, som jeg desværre ikke lige har indenfor rækkevidde, blev jeg fanget at bogens overordnede budskab: hvis du vil være en kristen leder, må du være en tjener først. Kun ved at tjene andre, vandrer du i Jesu fodspor. Wow. Radikalt. Det er så meget anderledes end verdens budskab om lederskab synes jeg. Og pludselig er det noget, jeg sagtens kan. Jeg kan da godt tjene - lave kaffe, bage en kage, købe en gave, passe nogle børn, give en hånd, når nogen flytter, lytte, når nogen læsser af. Tørre tårene, når nogen er ulykkelige, holde en hånd, når én er bange. Jeg kan bestræbe mig på at tale sandheder til folk, elske dem, når ingen andre gider, bede for dem, uanset om de selv mærker et behov for det, åbne mit hjem, hvis nogen trænger til fællesskab og opmuntring.
Gud prikker til mig. Og selv om jeg af og til synes det er rigtig vanskeligt at overkomme mine egne tankebygninger, forestillinger og angstfyldt forudindtagethed, så har jeg tillid til, at hvis jeg søger Guds rige først, gør hans vilje, og sætter al min lid til ham, så kan jeg leve et liv, der ligner det, jeg stræber efter. Så kan jeg måske gøre en forskel.
Tak, Jesus, at jeg må vende mig til dig, lytte til dine ord, og handle på den kærlighed, som kun du kan overøse mig med! Lad den blive en kilde, som flyder ud af mit liv og mine handlinger, til velsignelse for andre. Amen.
3-in-1
I've done a lot of thinking this week about what I wanted to write in my blog. I wrote several brilliant texts in my head, but has been too busy to sit down and jot them down. The fact that it is already Friday, is just incredible, because to me, it feels like the week has just begun.
But that is probably very common when you have a life filled with work, church, family and a bit of social life too. And I'm not complaining ... although I occasionally wish there were 5 ekstra hours in a day.
It's just that I strive for more than I should. I have set a standard for how I'd like my life to be. And there is nothing wrong with that - it is good, I think, to aim for something specific, instead of just bobbing along without realizing that time is zipping past outside of one's life. At the same time, I am experiencing God speaking to me - there are things he wants me to learn, things I need to do better. And I'd really like to...
Therefore, I once again find myself reading 3 books - apart from the Bible - at the same time. One deals with leadership and another one with prayer and the third with how I can have and achieve "it all". All 3 books are written by Christian authors, who all work professionally in their field. And all 3 have something amazing to say and I feel I learn a lot.
In the book about having and achieving "it all", Christine Caine writes about how she overcomes all the things she feels God has called her to do - she shares insights that God has taught her because she see that more and more women want to "get busy", but it's hard when you are both mother and wife and have a job outside the home. Already in the first chapter, Christine caught my attention (as if she hadn't already done that): if I want to have and achieve "it all", I must first seek the kingdom of God! What a simple, straightforward, easy to understand message: Matthew 6:33 says "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be give to you as well." Wow. I had actually forgotten this, but it makes sense.
In the book on prayer, Stormie Omartian also writes a lot of good stuff and I hardly know what I should choose to share ... so it too will be one of the first things that caught me a few pages into the book. She writes about the many aspects, facets and uses of prayer, but she caught me with this: "We will never be happy until we make God the source of our fulfillment and the answer to our longings. (...) And whenever you are disappointed because your needs are not being met, talk to your self and say, "My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him" (Psalm 62:5) " Wow again. So I can seek the kingdom of God first, turn to Him and let him be the one who meets my needs ... and still get something? God is and will continue to be fantastic.
In the book on leadership, which I unfortunately don't have with mw right now, I am intrigued by the book's overall message: if you want to be a Christian leader, you must be a servant first. Only by serving others, will you walk in Jesus' footsteps. Wow. Radical. And suddenly it's something I can easily do. I can easily serve - make coffee, bake a cake, buy a gift, babysit, lend a hand when someone moves, listen when someone needs to talk. Wipe the tears when someone is unhappy, hold a hand if someone is afraid. I can do my best to speak truth to people, loving those nobody else wants, pray for those with needs, open my home if anyone needs to fellowship and encouragement.
God speaks to me. And although I sometimes think it's really hard to overcome my own thoughts, ideas and fearfilled biases, I trust that if I seek God's kingdom first, do his will and put all my trust in him, I can live a life that resembles what I strive for. Then I might make a difference.
Thank you Jesus that I may turn to you, listen to your words, and act on the love that only you can shower me with! Let it be a spring that flows out of my life and my actions, bringing blessings to others. Amen.