Jeg har lige afleveret den yngste af mine 3 døtre i børnehaven, og på vejen derop, funderede jeg over, hvad jeg skulle skrive i min blog i dag. Det er nemlig sådan, at det er nemmest at skrive, når man føler sig inspireret – når man, så at sige, har et budskab på hjertet.
Hvilket budskab vil jeg sende ud i dag? Der er mange at vælge imellem – kærlighed, fred, forsoning… bare for at nævne nogle få.
Det bemærkelsesværdige var, at mens jeg gik og tænkte, men tankerne fløj igennem hovedet på mig hurtigere end bilerne på motorvejen, kvidrede lille 3-årige Johanna glad og fro ved siden af mig. Hvor er det svært, at samle tankerne, når der er en, der hele tiden snakker!
Jeg nåede at tænke på de boller og det brød, jeg lige har bagt – jeg elsker brød, kunne spise mig mæt og tyk i det. Og brød har helt automatisk en reference til Jesus – han, som er livets brød – han, som er den, vi alle burde spise af, ikke kun ved nadveren, men dagligt, i vores egen andagt, hvor vi vender blikket opad mod ham. Han kan mætte os, stille vores sult – og uden, at kiloene rasler på, fordi det simpelthen smager for godt til at stoppe! Kan man sige, at Jesus smager godt? Ifølge Salme 34:9 er det lige, hvad vi kan: ”Smag og se, at Herren er god; Lykkelig den mand, der søger tilflugt hos ham.”
Men tankerne spandt videre – til de lilla’e sko, der tillod mine lilla’e tånegle at titte frem – lilla er en skøn farve, og hvor der det godt, at Gud skabte farverne – han har ødslet med sin kreativitet og sans for skønhed for at glæde os – for at forhindre, at vi lever hele livet i en mørk og trist gråhed. I stedet øsnker han at livet skal byde på et væld af farver, at det skal sprudle og boble og igen og igen formå at glæde os, overraske os og udtrykke den kærlighed, han nærer til os alle.
Tankerne fløj straks videre til klokken – når jeg nu det hele? Formår jeg at blive færdig med mine gøremål til tiden? Hvorfor skal du da også altid sløse med tiden, trække den ud, gemme de kedelige opgaver til sidst… ser du, der er nemlig det ved mig, at der er visse ting, jeg ikke gider. Visse ting, der keder mig… og det er faktisk ikke så meget husarbejdet, men snarere de ting, der kræver en ekstra indsats fra min side på det sociale område – jeg er nemlig introvert, og jeg er ikke specielt vild med f.eks. telefon opkald. Det bunder simpelthen i, at jeg på ingen måde vil forstyrrer folk, og det gør jeg jo, når jeg ringer – men det værste, der kan ske, er at de afviser mig. Deri ligger hele miseren – frygten for afvisning! Dette leder den hyperaktive tankegang over på det gode gamle gospel nummer ”Operator”… I får lige et link. www.youtube.com/watch?v=0r8286teVgc
Men helt ærligt – alle disse tanker der flyver rundt, hvad skal jeg dog bruge dem til?
For nylig havde jeg en samtale med en god, gammel ven, som jeg ikke har set i længere tid. I forbindelse med at have flyttet nogle gange, var det ikke lykkedes ham og konen at finde en menighed, de trivedes i. Stor var min forundring, da han fortalte, at han var begyndt at meditere sammen med nogle buddhister! Jeg tænkte straks, at han da måtte være på afveje – og jeg tænker stadig, at man skal være yderst forsigtig, når man bevæger sig over i andre filosofier… derfor må du ikke betragte dette som en reklame eller opfordring til at afprøve zen buddhismens meditative aspekter! Men han sagde noget, som gav lidt stof til eftertanke – han sagde nemlig, at da han havde lært at være stille, blev han overrasket over hvor mange ubetydelige tanker, der krævede hans opmærksomhed dagen igennem - hvor mange ligegyldigheder, der fyldte hans hoved dagligt. Han måtte bruge tid på at sortere i dem og smide de tåbelige ud, så han kunne få brugt tiden rigtigt på de rigtige tanker. Og for en pige som mig, der nok har en temmelig hyperaktiv tankevirksomhed, gav dette mening. Ryd op og smid ud. Vælg dine tanker med omhu! Brug din energi rigtigt, så du netop kan få nået dine mål og færdigjort alt, hvad der skal gøres. Jeg må igen gribe til 2. Kor. 10:5: ”…vi gør enhver tanke til en lydig fange hos Kristus…”
Igen må jeg minde mig selv om at tænke over mine tanker ind i mellem. Er det positive, konstruktive tanker? Eller er de negative og af ”rendestens-karakter”?
Måske jeg lige skulle lytte til Operator igen og få nummeret på én, jeg altid kan snakke med – nemlig ham, der kan hjælpe mig med at tage tankerne til fange.
I just dropped off the youngest of my 3 daughters in kindergarten and on our way there, I was contemplating what to write in my blog today. The fact is that inspiration makes writing come naturally - when you, so to speak, have a message important enough to share.
What message would I send out today? There are many good topics to choose from - love, peace, and reconciliation ... just to name a few.
The remarkable thing was that while I was thinking, while my thoughts were flying through my head faster than the cars on the highway, little 3-year-old Johanna was twittering away happy and content, unaware of the thought-chaos in my head. Do you know hard it is to think straight when someone is constantly talking?
I thought about the buns and the bread I just baked - I love bread and could eat my fill and become fat because of it. And bread has a natural reference to Jesus - he who is the bread of life - he who is the one I all should eat, not only in communion, but daily in my private prayer time, through which I turn my gaze upward at him. He can fill us, satisfy our hunger - and without the kilos uncontrollably multiplying, for he is truly wholesome and healthy! Is it possible and meaningful to say that Jesus tastes good? According to Psalm 34:8, we can: "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."
But my mind spun further - to the purple shoes I was wearing, allowing my purple-painted toenails to peek out - purple is a lovely color and isn’t it a good thing that God made colors? He has squandered his creativity and sense of beauty to please us - to prevent us from living life in a dark and dreary grayness. Instead he intends that life offers a variety of colors, that it bubbles and fizzes and time and time again manages to delight us, surprise us and express the love he feels for us all.
Again my mind churned and thoughts flew immediately to the time – will I finish all I need to finish? Will I manage all my chores on time? Accusations flew through my head: Why do you always waste time? Why do you procrastinate and save the tedious tasks for last? You see, there are certain things I would rather not do. Some things bore me ... and it's actually not so much the housework, but rather the things that require an extra effort on my part, often in the social sphere - I am namely introvert, and I'm not particularly crazy about interactions that require an extra effort. To name an example: telephone calls. I sincerely hate interrupting people, and I feel that that is what I do when I call them- but in reality, the worst that can happen is that they reject me. Therein lies the whole problem - the fear of rejection! This leads my hyperactive mind to think of the good old gospel number "Operator" : www.youtube.com/watch?v=0r8286teVgc
But honestly – there are too many thoughts flying around in my head, for no good reason.
I recently had a conversation with a good old friend whom I have not seen in a long time. In the context of having moved a few times, he and his wife had yet to find a church that they thrived in. I was surprised to learn that he had begun to meditate along with some Buddhists! I immediately thought that he may have gone astray - and I still think that one must be extremely careful when moving into other philosophies ... and I have to point out clearly that this is not an advertisement or invitation to try out Zen Buddhist meditative aspects! But he said something that gave a little food for thought – as he had learned to be quiet, he was surprised at how many insignificant thoughts that required his attention throughout the day - how many petty details that filled his head daily. He had to spend time sorting through them and discard the foolish, so that he could spend his time thinking about the right thoughts. And for a girl like me, who has the privileged of a pretty hyperactive mind, this made sense! Clean up your thinking and throw out the petty stuff! Choose your thoughts carefully! Use your energy correctly, then you just might reach your goals and get everything done on time. I must again turn my attention to 2 Cor. 10:5: "... we take captive every thought to make obedient to Christ ..."
Again I must remind myself to think about my thoughts every now and then. Is my thinking positive, are my thoughts constructive? Or are they negative and have a gutter mentality?
I think I might just have to listen to Operator again and get the number to the One I can always talk to - namely, he who is capable of helping me take my thoughts captive.
